I understand that God's word is precious, at the same time I've commited to being vulenerable and fully honest as part of the bibleexperiment2.com so here it is: This time through I find it more and more difficult to come up with any justifications for the attrocities I see Joshua and the Isralites doing in today's chapters. See yesterdays post for more on that.
I'd rather say: You know what, I just don't get this, I don't like it, it flies in the face of the grace and mercy Christ reflected as the exact representation of the father. So, here I wrestle, I fight, I squirm, and without question I'm losing this scuffle, it's frustrating, exhausting, and repetative. And yet, I find that when I'm willing to engage when I keep on hanging on, I can lose other things as well, arrogance can be pinned to the mat, my pride takes an unseen haymaker, my ego can be transformed and all of my frustrations (while they never disapear) begin to carry less weight! Suddenly I become in awe of the fact that the God of all things is willing to meet me in the pitiful little Dan fights that I drum up. It does become a mystery, one where the frustrations remain, but the presence, the power, the shear love and patience it must require of the Divine to enage like that get's poured out upon me during these battles and it's crazy, it's grace, it's the throne room, and theres no place like it--pure love is there.
Today's honest prayer: I don't get it God...but, hey, let's go, I don't expect to win, but heck ya, why would anyone ever pass an opportunity to spar a bit with the GOAT! Better keep your chin low LORD, cus like Jacob before, I'm tricky, and my parents, my past, my sin, all taught me how cheat. But, while I'm offended and ready to fight, I stand similtaniously ready to learn, to learn your moves, your struggle, your heart...even as we (foolishly?) strive against you, I'd also like to say, thank you. Thank you, for the ways that you continue to have the patience to meet us in our little whiney self centered struggles.
I love ya LORD, please go easy on me as we tussel.